Wedding bells and all that jazz

Same-sex relationships typically begin with a bump in the night and until recently never were allowed to rise above the furtive, the unmentionable, not something you'd bring up in church or at a Thanksgiving dinner, or expect to find celebrated in the local newspaper's social page.

That mum if not explicit disapproval weighed on the relationships regardless how long the couples were together: Stew and I have been together forty-one years; Don and Richard, forty-two; David and Myron, thirty-seven; Perry and Greg for forty-three; Charles and Robert lived together over fifty years until Robert's death after a long illness did them apart a few years ago. Indeed, you start to believe marriage didn't matter or didn't apply to people like you anyway.

After so many years of oppression, and there's really no better word, reaction among gay couples we know to the prospect of being able to get legally married has ranged from glee by some who rushed to the nearest marriage bureau, to stammering disbelief and indecision. For the latter, it's as if they'd been faithfully mailing their entries for thirty or forty years and finally the sonovabitch from Publishers Clearing House shows up at their front door and they don't know what to say or do.

Stew and I pretended that getting married was not an urgent or even emotional issue. It would be nice but we could wait for Illinois to approve marriage equality, which seems likely within the next year.

Or not. Stew, pretty much on his own, methodically began putting together a wedding trip to a state that allows same-sex weddings and settled on Massachusetts, to some extent because he's never been to New England. There are hotel, car and flight reservations, a specific locality in which to get a marriage license, a minister to officiate and a jeweler to sell you wedding rings.

Yesterday, Stew unveiled the results of his labors. We'll fly to Boston and drive to Provincetown on Monday, September 23 to apply for the license, and get married on Saturday, September 28 at 11 a.m., at the First Parish Church of Stowe and Acton, a Unitarian congregation just outside of Boston. Rev. Thomas Rosiello will officiate. Jan Dee Jewelers, a small gay-owned shop in Chicago, where we'll stop on the way to Boston, will have our wedding bands ready for us.  The only detail pending is finding a fourth person to take a picture of the event.

This morning when I made the announcement at the church we attend tears rolled down my face and I could hardly get the words out. After dismissing it for months as an abstract technicality, a mere piece of paper, the reality and significance of marriage—of having our relationship, for so long hidden or dismissed by others as illegitimate or unimportant—actually recognized by a third party and being able to celebrate it publicly, finally came to me.

I am, unexpectedly, really happy and excited about getting married.

But there's yet one more detail pending that Stew mentioned over lunch. We need to put together a guest list and pick a place for a wedding reception to which we can invite all our friends, gay or straight; men and women; married, single and undecideds. Finally out in the open, under the beautiful San Miguel skies.

Amazing.

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Comments

  1. Congratulations! Carlos and I wish you the most beautiful wedding and a fabulous future!

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  2. This brought tears to my eyes. How absolutely wonderful! And though you don't know me, and I could hardly expect an invitation to the reception in San Miguel - it made me sad I'll not be there until April, as I wish I could hug you both and be part of your celebration.

    Know I celebrate you both in my heart, and find joy in your joy.

    Lovely. Just lovely!

    Barbara

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  3. I'm thrilled for you and Stew. Words can't begin to tell you how happy I am that you will never feel oppressed or less then any other married couples.

    How wonderful! There are so many wonderful venues for a reception, including your home which I think is such a beautiful reflection of the two of you.

    Congratulations along with much love.

    This is the best news in a long time.

    Babs

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  4. I will be in San Miguel in September. Hint. Hint. Hint.

    Congratulations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hint, hint, hint, Steve. But the party is not until the last week in October. If you're going to be around San Miguel, I'll definitely put you on the guest list.

      Thank you and everyone who commented for their good wishes. They mean a lot to us.

      al & stew

      Delete
  5. Congratulations! Have a wonderful trip. I look forward to getting together with you again on my next pass through SMA.

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  6. Must admit your marriage equality blog brought tears to my eyes. You have a way of putting into words what the heart really feels. Thank you. Al, we are actually celebrating our 43, soon to be 44 years December 31st.

    Sounds as if Stew has thought of everything. Sounds awfully romantic to me!!! Congratulations to you both.

    Take care.

    Perry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your anniversary date has been fixed, and remains an impressively long time.

      Delete
  7. Congratulations to both you and Stew on your wedding plans. Great post and please post some photos when you get them

    Jon and Jo Ann

    Sent from my iPad

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  8. Congratulations on your wedding plans - Cudos to Stew for pulling together all the details.

    My partner Patrick (since June of 1884)and I visited New England a few early Octobers ago, and it was a lovely experience. Looking forward to hearing about the experience (and reception to follow), maybe seeing a few photos, and sending felicitaciones de boda when it is all official...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jaja - just stopped by here again, and I see I have dated myself with a 19th century anniversary of my meetup with Don Patricio. Allow me to correct that, with the 20th century year of note - 1984...

      Delete
  9. Congratulations!!! I'm very happy for you. Boston is lovely that time of year, and you have a fighting chance at dry weather.

    Saludos,

    Kim G
    Boston, MA
    Where our favorite parade float of all time appeared after the MA Supreme Court legalized gay marriage. It was a mock-up of the front page of "Bay Windows," Boston's gay community paper. It said, "Gays wed, world doesn't end."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone wrote after the U.S. Supreme Court decision that the lawyers arguing against marriage equality couldn't cough up a decent argument why gays getting married would be harmful to society. I also remember a TV debate when then-Cong. Barney Frank asked his opponent (one of the Bennett brothers, can't remember if it was Bob or Bill) what difference would it make to him if gay people were to get married. The other side, after a five-ten minute pause could only say, "It would diminish the currency of marriage." Huh?

      al

      Delete

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